I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
