GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
