so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
