we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
