weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
