she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
