Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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