i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Green mimosas i think yes
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
