Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
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