that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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