filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
