just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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