Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I need a beard to bite.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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