what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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