the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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