Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize
