R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
