I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
