dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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