So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Rumble strips road head = magical
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
