Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
