hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
