Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
