Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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