Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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