OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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