He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
