please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
