you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
