It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
