her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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