grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
