Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
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