Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
