so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
