I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
