And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Randomize
