When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
