how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
