I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
