I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
