What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
