We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
