): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
