Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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