I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
