How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
