Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
