The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
How does it feel to date your dad?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
