you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
